Honest Friendship

One of the most unexpected results of our miscarriage story has been learning of the other stories of loss that have been carried silently by many of the women (and men) around me. I had no idea what those around me were going through!

You see, one of the first decisions I made after the fog had lifted was was to choose for this story to be a glory story. As much as I wanted to ignore my sad feelings and pretend that life was totally and completely fine, I decided that we could do more than that through our loss. We could use it to bring God glory.

Instead of hiding it in my heart, and covering up my pain, I openly shared our experience over lunch and coffee. When asked by dear friends how my summer was going, I chose to be fully honest, rather than utter the expected pleasantries that we women tend to do when we are hanging out with each other. And in case that wasn’t enough, I decided to blow the lid off this pop stand, and shared it with basically the world and wrote about it on the blog.

And let me tell you, after I stopped freaking out about telling people what was REALLY going on in my life, it was liberating!

But what was even MORE surprising, was how I learned that I was not alone.

honest friendship

I learned that there were those before me and beside me that have gone or were going through the same heartbreaking loss. Or a different version of it…like trying to conceive for years without luck. Or a heartbreak completely their own; one they felt comfortable enough to bare once my soul was open before them.

Instead of awkward silence, known as my greatest fear in all social situations, I was met with heartfelt condolences and heartfelt confessions. I was met with encouragement and opportunities to encourage.   And I saw Jesus among us.

I mean, seriously. Why don’t we do this more?!

Ladies (and gents!), what’s keeping us from owning our heartache?? How come we hide such important and hard life experiences from each other when we could be shouldering our fears together? How come we don’t allow one another IN?

One of the greatest blessings that has come from sharing our story is my new community of sisters that I know are in a phase of wanting to start a family, or in varying stages of the process. I have received calls and texts, heard their hearts, and they have heard mine. And you know what? We are in it together. I’m sure there will be moments where walking alongside them will be hard, either while they go through something that makes it hard to see God’s goodness or they welcome their new bundle of joy while I still await mine. Or vice versa.

But if we aren’t willing to carry each other’s burdens, and celebrate in one another’s blessings, are we even friends to begin with?

I am challenging myself to allow glory to come from our heartbreak story. I won’t be perfect at it. And I certainly don’t wish this story for my worst enemy. But I’m hoping God will use it.

And as a result of this story in my life, I hope to learn how to have deeper, more meaningful friendships than I have allowed in the past. Which means I have to let people really know me, and the stories that have brought me to where I am today. And I have to be willing to shut up and get to know my friends stories, too. We all know that will be the hardest part for me 😉

So next time you bump into me at Chipotle and ask about my summer, be prepared for an honest response. And get ready to give me yours. Because I have a feeling it will be worth it.

2 thoughts on “Honest Friendship

  1. Joy says:

    Knowing that others have felt your same sadness (or happiness, or distress, etc…) in the same type of situation is incredibly comforting. I think God instilled in us a need and ability to connect and build community with those all around us for a reason. Not only is it a way to share His love and grace, but it is a way to feel encouraged and not alone. Almost like a more tangible reminder that HE is always there to comfort, and He puts people in our lives to remind us of that. You have a beautiful, heartfelt story, Alyssa. Thank you for this reminder today! “But if we aren’t willing to carry each other’s burdens, and celebrate in one another’s blessings, are we even friends to begin with?” <— YES!

  2. Elizabeth says:

    I love this and I so agree! We have a small group that we meet with every week and we’ve made a commitment to be sharers and includers! The freedom to walk through hard times with other people is so important! i am glad you shared and created a place where others could feel free to do so as well!

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